Sure Thing Wing
by Catwho
Summary: Just how much warping does the universe have to go through to get Heero and Relena together?


Sure Thing W

Sure Thing _**W**_

(A parody romance fusion thingamajiggy with the one act play "Sure Thing" by David Ives. Takes place in episode 33, when Relena encounters Heero on the park bench before Dorothy hands her the invitation to Romefeller.)

Pairing ends 1XR, but 1X2, RX2, RXD, and at one point RXDX2 all creep in. 

Gundam Wing is owned by Bandai and Sotsu Agency, not me. "Sure Thing" is copyright 1989 to David Ives.

****

_(Heero is reading on the park bench. Relena walks up to him.)_

Relena: Excuse me. Is this seat taken?

Heero: Excuse me?

Relena: Is this taken?

Heero: Yes it is.

Relena: Oh. Sorry.

Heero: Hn. _(A bell rings softly._)

Relena: Excuse me, is this seat taken?

Heero: Excuse me?

Relena: Is this taken?

Heero: No, but I'm expecting someone any minute.

Relena: Oh, sorry.

Heero: Hn. (_A bell rings softly._)

Relena: Excuse me, is this seat taken?

Heero: No, but I'm expecting someone very shortly.

Relena: Would you mind if I sit here until he or she comes?

Heero: They do seem to be running pretty late...

Relena: You could always kill me while you wait. (_She smiles innocently._)

Heero: Sorry, Relena. Nice try though.

Relena. Sure thing. (_Bell._) Is this seat taken?

Heero: No, it's not.

Relena: Would you mind if I sit here?

Heero: Yes I would.

Relena: Oh. (_Bell._) Is this seat taken?

Heero: No, it's not.

Relena: Would you mind if I sit here?

Heero: _(shrugs_) It's your kingdom.

Relena: _(She smiles and sits. Heero continues reading_.) It's such a lovely day that everyone is out, and all the other benches are taken.

Heero: Hn.

Relena: Birds singing. Sun shining. Gentle breeze. 

Heero: Hn.

Relena: What are you reading?

Heero: I just wanted to read in quiet, if you don't mind.

Relena: No. Sure thing. (_Bell._) All the other benches are taken. 

Heero: Hn.

Relena: It's so nice to read outdoors.

Heero: Yeah, it's nice.

Relena: What are you reading?

Heero: _The Sound and the Fury. _

Relena: Oh, Hemingway. (_Bell_.) What's the book?

Heero: _The Sound and the Fury._

Relena: Oh, Faulkner. 

Heero: Have you read it?

Relena: No ... actually. I've read _about_ it, though. It's supposed to be great.

Heero: It is great.

Relena: I hear it's great. (Coughs politely.) Ummm... (_Bell._) What's the book?

Heero: _The Sound and the Fury._

Relena: Oh, Faulkner. 

Heero: Have you read it?

Relena: I'm a V.C. Andrews fan myself. (_Bell._)

Heero: Have you read it?

Relena: Yes, when I was younger.

Heero: Younger?

Relena: I started reading when I was two. (_Bell._)

Heero: Younger?

Relena: When I was thirteen. 

Heero: Do you like Faulkner?

Relena: I love Faulkner. I spent the whole winter reading him then. 

Heero: I've just started.

Relena: I was so excited that after ten pages I ran down to my father's library and scooped up everything we had that he wrote. That was probably the greatest reading experience of my life. He was such an incredible psychologist, and then he wrote page after page of beautiful prose. He had a profound grasp of the mystery of time and of human existance. The smells of Earth... What do you think?

Heero: I think it's pretty boring, actually. (_Bell._)

Relena: What's the book?

Heero: _The Sound and the Fury._

Relena: Oh! Faulkner!

Heero: Do you like Faulkner?

Relena: I love Faulkner.

Heero: He's incredible, isn't he?

Relena: I spent a whole winter reading him once.

Heero: I was so impressed that after ten pages I raided your library for all the other things he wrote. I'll get to them after I finish this. 

Relena: He had a great psychological understanding.

Heero: He captures a lot of emotions very well.

Relena: I didn't know you could recognize emotions already, Heero! That means my plan to seduce you is working! (_Bell._)

Heero: He captures a lot of emotions very well.

Relena: And the way he grasped the mysteries of time...

Heero: ...and human existance. I wish I could have had time to read things like this before.

Relena: You never know. You might not have liked him before.

Heero: That's true.

Relena: You might not have been ready for him, Heero. You have to hit these things at the right moment or it's no good.

Heero: Yeah...

Relena: It's all in the timing. (_Smiles and stares out at sidewalk._) Yeah ... I thought reading Faulkner was wonderful...

Heero: Hn.

Relena: _The Sound and the Fury_...

Heero: Well. Whatever. (_Goes back to reading._)

Relena: Umm... (_Bell._) You have to hit these things at the right moment or it's no good. 

Heero: Yeah.

Relena: It's all in the timing. Do you read a lot?

Heero: Every once in a while. Do you?

Relena: Occasionally. . Not so much as I used to. Especially since my nervous breakdown. (_Bell._) Do you read a lot?

Heero: Why are you asking?

Relena: I'm just interested.

Heero: Are you really interested, or are you trying to pick me up?

Relena: What?

Heero: Maybe you're only interested for the sake of making small talk long enough to ask me back to your bedroom to look at your first edition of Faulkner, or for me to help you with some stupid plan for peace, only you really want to have sex with me, which you_ won't_ do very well, after which you'll proceed to call up all your little friends in the school and brag about it, giggling, and make sure I'm embarassed as hell. And then you'll proceed to lie back down next to me and confess that you've really been dating Duo but he doesn't understand you, and that you've been involved with him -- _off and on_ -- since that day on the boat. None of which interests _me_! 

Relena: Oh. (_Bell._) Do you read a lot?

Heero: As much as I can now.

Relena: I haven't seen you reading anything but your laptop before.

Heero: Actually, I'm looking at porn sites on it. (_Bell._)

Relena: Do you read a lot?

Heero: As much as I can now.

Relena: I haven't seen you read anything but your laptop before.

Heero: I've got books on there, too. 

Relena: Ah, I see. (_Pause_) The person you were waiting for sure is late.

Heero: Yeah, they are...

Relena: Who was it? (_teasing_) A girlfriend?

Heero: Sort of.

Relena: (_taken aback_) What's a "sort of" girlfriend?

Heero: My Gundam. (_Bell._)

Relena: What's a "sort of" girlfriend?

Heero: We were meeting here to break up.

Relena: Oh. (_Bell._) What's a "sort of" girlfriend?

Heero: Duo ... and here he comes now! (_He stands up, arms wide open_.) Duo-chan! _Ai shiteru!_ (_Bell. Heero sits back down._)

Relena: The person you were waiting for sure is late.

Heero: He isn't coming... I just remembered that Quatre was still out looking for Trowa and cancelled on me. 

Relena: I hope he finds him. (_Pause_) Why were you meeting him out here?

Heero: We were trying to avoid you. (_Bell._)

Relena: The person you were looking for sure is late.

Heero: Quatre may not be coming. He said he'd try, but he's still out looking for Trowa.

Relena: I hope he finds him. (_Pause_) Why were you meeting him out here?

Heero: It's a nice day outside. We didn't get to enjoy spring days like this on the colonies. Why are you out here?

Relena: I was headed to the movies, actually. Would you like to come along?

Heero: No ...

Relena: It's a marathon...

Heero: No thanks.

Relena: Big fat chance to let Faulkner catch his breath. All those long sentences get him pretty tired.

Heero: No, Relena.

Relena: Okay.

Heero: I appreciate the invitation.

Relena: Sure thing. (_Bell._) Why were you meeting him here?

Heero: Like you said, it's a nice day outside. I was trying to think of it as existantially signifigant. You know, sun shining, faint clouds in the sky, no MDs marching over the horizon...

Relena: Thank God.

Heero: Yeah. Well. I'd call this a moment of peace. I'm beginning to appreciate ... peace. It's all thanks to you, Relena. ( _He touches Relena's hand, and looks at her with a soft light in his eyes, but she looks away, uncomfortable._) What's wrong? Oh ... are you involved?

Relena: Sort of. There's Duo, of course, and then he and Dorothy and I -- (_Bell_.)

Heero: Oh ... are you involved?

Relena: No! No. I haven't ever had time for a relationship. I'm just.... nervous. This is the first time I've truly been on my own, with no one holding my hand and telling me how to do things. I created the St. Gabriel school because_ I _thought it was right, not because anyone else did. Especially you.

Heero: Relena...

Relena: I'm not even in a political party, like I used to be.

Heero: What were you?

Relena: Straight down the ticket Democrat. (_Bell_.) Straight down the ticket Romefeller. (_Bell._) Let me tell you something about politics... (_Bell._) I was a citizen of the galaxy. (_Bell._) That doesn't matter now, I'm my own party.

Heero: So am I. Labels are not important.

Relena: They're not, not really. Look at me. What does it matter that I have a two-point -- (_Bell._) -- three point -- (_Bell._) -- four point GPA? Or if my real mother was a Bush -- (_Bell._) -- Gates -- (_Bell_.) -- Rockefeller? 

Heero: I didn't know that your real mother was a Rockefeller.

Relena: Twice removed.

Heero: But I see what you mean. A man is what he is. (_Bell._) A person is what he is. (_Bell_.) A person is a person no matter how small. (_Bell_.) A person is ... what they are.

Relena: I think so too.

Heero: So what if I admire Trotsky? (_Bell._) So what if I'm in love with Duo? (_Bell._) So what if I'm a soldier? I act on my own convictions.

Relena: Exactly.

Heero: You can't just hang a sign on a person.

Relena: That's it! I bet you're a Scorpio, Heero. (_Many bells ring, loudly_.) Listen, I was headed to the movies, actually. Would you like to come along?

Heero: What's playing?

Relena: It's a Star Trek marathon.

Heero: You like Star Trek? 

Relena: Of course. You can say I'm a Trekker, actually. The show had a magical quality to it ... it was so optimistic for our lives in space. If people on Earth and in space still had that optimism --

Heero: -- they might not fight so much. I'm a Trekker too. Roddenberry got it all so right. 

Relena: And every episode had a happy ending.

Heero: I want a happy ending.

Relena: So do I. 

(_They pause, and stare at each other. Two Trekkies together in the year of AC 195 are not a common thing. It is a nice, quiet moment, pregnant with new understanding and newfound love. They huggle and lean forward to kiss. The birds sing, the sun shines, the sap covers it all, until Dorothy Catalonia approaches, bearing the little invitation from Romefeller._)

Dorothy: Oh, Miss Relenaaaa!

(_Heero and Relena break apart quickly, trying to look nonchalant and not like they were about to play tonsil hockey._)

Relena: (_whispers_) After this war is all over, we'll have our own marathon, Heero.

Heero: (_whispers_) Sure thing. 

***

End!


End file.
